Monday, April 25, 2005

a bad example

All of us learn by example, it's part of our nature. Adam and Eve sinned, we all sin now. Usually, we think of setting a good example for those who come after us, and we look to our "examplers" to set a positive and right example for us.

But it doesn't always work that way.

Sadly, many children learn the bad habits of their parents, which is part of why abuse is so rampant in families. The kids learn that by yelling, hitting, etc, that they can get their way. So they grow up and have an abusive relationship and teach their own children the path of abuse. Granted, sometimes it is not as serious as abuse, maybe you are just not competent with money, your parents weren't and your children likely won't be.

I've had my share of bad examples in my life. Bar marriages, poor child raising, bad lots of things. Thankfully, I am also aware that these are bad, they are examples that should be learned from but not followed. Thank goodness we also have the capacity (should we decide to use it) to learn from our own mistakes and the mistakes of others. I hope I can do this. I want to, I keep a watchful eye out. If I sense a bad behavior rising up in me I try to squelch it.

All that to say that this weekend another shining example of how not to improve your marriage was set at my feet. It amazes me that some people just don't get it. That there are people out there who truly have no idea that the chaos that is swirling around them is cause by their own actions. People who don't get that what is in your heart comes out much clearer than any words you can say. Remember, ACTIONS, in all their shining glory, speak louder than WORDS, no matter how well crafted. That your eyes, the proverbial windows to your soul, really do show where your heart is. And lipservice doesn't get you any father now than it has in the past.

I hope we all can learn from this situation. I've already learned that you have to keep relationships in the right priority listing (God, family, friends, the rest of the world) and that you have to live with the choices you make. Just because you want something doesn't mean you are going to get it or get it in the way you want. And sometimes, you can't have cake and ice cream too, you have to pick one or the other. And we are held to our actions, God rarely removes the consequences.

Okay, sorry if that is a little heavy. I've been in hiding all weekend since our house was invaded by said person with the history of making poor choices especially in her marriage (along with her two children, one of which will never be mistaken for an angel!).

I'll try to be more uplifting tomorrow. On a brighter note, I'm thankful for the rain and snow and I love it when the weather can't make up it's mind.

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