Thursday, April 21, 2005

the art of keeping secrets

I recently took the Myers Briggs personality test again. I've moved a bit but this no longer causes concern. You see, I'm convinced that people like me can't be measured using such a limited test. It reduces questions to two choices, neither of which actually capture who I am, what I really do, etc. So, while my profile may say that I'm an introvert (I am, but more than it says), I can play the part of the extrovert with ease. It drains me. I'm a very strong perceiver, but I can out list and plan anyone. You see, it all boils down to the fact that humanity has far more potential than a 50/50 test can measure.

Anyway, that wasn't really where I was going. Part of that training was showing this box that has four quadrants, top left is "open", top right is "blind", bottom left is "hidden" and bottom right is "unknown". The concept is there are things in our lives that are open (we know and others know), things that we are blind to (others see it but we don't), some areas that are hidden (we know but others don't) and then the unknown (neither we nor others know about it). The trainer said we should push back the lines so that more and more of our lives are in the open quadrant. I disagree.

There are things about me that others don't really need to know. Especially at this point in life, where I'm single, no kids, etc, the majority of my life is stuff that other people don't need to know. Sure, I'll share insights and thoughts with those I trust, but in general, the world doesn't need to know my every move, thought, and so on.

Now, I'm all for learning more about my blind spots. I want to know me inside and out so that I can change the bad parts, tweak the ones that are out of line, be a better person. I know some people who live with almost no open part and tons of blind. And a normally aware and smart person can have a huge blind spot that is triggered by a friendship (think destructive relationships, the "victim" usually can't see the abuser is acting badly). This is the hardest kind of blind spot to "bring into the light" since that person can't even fathom that they have a blind spot.

All that to say, we live in a crazy world. I'm growing more secretive daily because the less others know, the less my life spins out of control. I trust fewer, I respect fewer. It's harder to earn my trust or respect. I don't plan on becoming a hermit, but it has some enticing aspects. Maybe it's just a phase.

Now that I've got you all concerned and worried that I'm going postal or something, calm down. Just some random thoughts. Have a good day!


bennettsarahjane said...

Now you have me curious. I want to know your hidden secerts. What are you keeping from me?? I wonder if you have a secert life that I don't know about. It makes my imagination leap to conclusions like you are some kind of secert agent, or that you have written millions of romance novels under another name. Okay, I will come back to real life, but still I wonder what are your secerts. Maybe it is better that I don't know them becuase half the fun is letting my imagination make things up about you... oh but don't worry everything I make up is all good!

Sara said...

That's part of the point, if I'm all out there in the open, I lose that mysterious persona that has taken so long to build. I would rather keep people guessing (as long as those are good guesses) :)

Caesar_Augustus said...

I think part of this is that secrecy is just ingrained into how we think. The thing that makes fixing the errors in our ways so hard is that we've been doing it for so long. We always have a fear of the unknown, and a fear of changing. The conclusion that I've eventually come to is that it's better to just plunge forward, than to be forever worrying about things that you can't necesarilly change. It's easier to keep going foreward, and going forward in a straight line, than it is to double back and fix everything.