Monday, January 30, 2006

grasping cotton candy

So, I didn't get a part in the play. I'm half disappointed, half relieved. It means that I may get some sleep this spring (I'm still deprived from the last show) and that I should have time to work on my novel and other pursuits that have been put on hold for a while. But it means I won't be part of that group that is doing the play. I'll miss out on the friendship and bonding, which was part of why I even tried out. Oh well, c'est la vive.

I'm toying with the idea of telling you all about a dream I had week or so ago... can't decide if telling it outloud will make it less wonderful or more so. Right now, I'm thinking some of my readers will understand and take it for what it could be and some will laugh and make it a silly little dream. I don't want it to be a silly little dream so I may keep it under wraps a bit longer.

I got a tape back last week, a tape that had been "missing" for over two years. I had loaned it to a friend who moved and left it with a roommate. Turns out her former roommate and I are both terrible at making contact and I had given it up as lost. A sad thing because it had a very special message on it. But lo and behold, I got an email out of the blue last week saying she found it and wanted to get it back to me. I finally got to listen to it again last night. Made me cry. I had forgotten so much of the message, and even more of it was clear this time (or maybe, less was clear, but they were new parts that had been foggy before, can't tell just yet). I needed to hear it now, I needed it just this week and here it was. Thanks to all who had a part in brining that tape back to me.

I think it's time to go read a book... about a dreamer. I started The Alchemist this weekend and so far it is great. Can't wait to finish it. I have a feeling it is the right book at the right time as well. Anything to pass the waiting hour.

Hope your week is off to a great start. I did my taxes tonight and though I'm not getting as much back as I had hoped, it's still a chunk of money that can help pay for my sponsorships so when I go to PC they are taken care of. Actually, Sandra will be graduating sometime soon so I only have to worry about Karen. Since she's only 5 she had better be around for years to come! I'm not ready for Sandra to go but I know she has all I can give her and more. She has Jesus in her heart and a good head on her shoulders. She's smart, pretty and isn't afraid of life. I love that girl like crazy.

Alright, book time. Go on, curl up with a classic. Tell me about it in the comments...

Thursday, January 26, 2006

pins and needles


I'm not good at it.

It sucks, and I mean big time.

Yet it appears to be the thing I do the most of these days. For example, right now, I'm waiting for a call to find out if I'm in the play or not. I'm also waiting for my toes to warm up, waiting for the time when I can leave for Peace Corps, waiting for that special someone to sweep me off my feet. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

I hate it. I feel like life is out there, happening, and I'm stuck in the far lane of traffic, unable to get to the action. I feel the minutes of my life ticking by, fading into oblivion, into a universe that I can't visit. And they are gone, my minutes are gone. My hands are tied against doing anything but waving at the minutes as they traipse out the door. I feel like I should be doing something, anything, but there are walls everywhere and I'm fresh out of dynamite to bust through them.

Ever feel like that? While it's a horrid feeling, it would be nice to know that others feel it too. I keep trying to make the most of each day but when each day is a copy more or less of the day before, you start to wonder what exactly is the point.

What are you waiting for? What holds you back? These are the questions I'm pondering now. Seems like the only thing useful in the waiting is the thinking, as long as I don't do too much of that. I over analyze, I've been told. I'll chew on things until they are unrecognizable fragments of the thoughts they once were. Too much chewing is bad for the heart so I try to keep it to a limit, but the longer I wait, the more I think and the nasty little cycle starts again.

So, I think I'll go read one of my new books and try to not wait for that call. Why I'm anxious about a call that is going to say "thanks but no thanks" I can't quite figure, but I'm trying not to think about that to much.

Farewell. Good night sweet void, please be kind to my minutes as they fly through you tonight.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

yeah, yeah

Yes, I'm still alive. Yes, I plan to post. Yes, I'm fine.

Just been a bit busy and then our internet went down at home then I was housesitting for a family with no wireless and no idea how to get logged into their computer, so, I've been "away".

Anywho, I have auditions tonight for the upcoming Spring play at church. If I don't get home too late I'll post more then!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

a bit late

Happy New Year!

Yes, I made it to 2006 and I rung in the new year by reading a book. I took pause at midnight to wish my bird and my cat good tidings and then went back to reading.

I'm very sad to report that this year appears to be moving just as faster, or even faster, than 2005 did. I was praying that time would shift down a bit and take the leisurely path to the future, but no such luck. I've been working all week between watching Firefly (!!!!!) and the movies I got from Blockbuster Online (one month free thanks to Papa Johns, so I took it!). Anywho, yes, I'm still here.

I hope to update more often this year but I make no promises. My only resolution is to apply (and be accepted, of course) for Peace Corps. That entails a lot, like paying off my small amount of debt (which means working longer hours to make more money), getting into shape, getting things in order and so on. I'll likely be posting more here about that, so stay tuned.

Well, break is about over and the phones beckon (darn phones), so I'll say adieu for now.